After 20 years of friendship, it is hard to believe that Ilene Serlin is gone. She died on November 26, 2024. The day that I heard of her death, I had a strong conviction to call Ilene later in the day. I had been thinking about this for over a week, knowing that she had been ill again. We had been in email communication recently about the death of our mutual friend, Eleanor Criswell-Hanna, and a chapter she was writing for a book I was editing. Beyond the work that bound us together, I wanted Ilene to know how much she meant to me and how much I valued our years of friendship. Then, a couple hours later, I received the news of her death. It weighs on me heavily that I did not call sooner--that I didn't have a chance to tell her goodbye.
Ilene was such a force. This was not always comfortable, but I appreciated it. From our years of friendship, I knew that her contributions were often overlooked. She didn't always get the recognition she deserved. She often had to fight to be seen. This saddened me.
I have been struggling to remember when I first met Ilene. It bothers me that I cannot place it. I know it was the early 2000s. I was immediately impressed with her knowledge and presence. As a football lineman from rural Iowa Germanic culture, movement was not something I was comfortable with. Ilene was a dance and movement therapist who embodied this. She often tried to get me to go dancing at conferences--I always resisted. But attending so many of her workshops, she still helped me to become more comfortable with movement and, through this, with aspects of myself that I had closed off. I gained an appreciation of the somatic and kinesthetic aspects of life and therapy, which is something that I began integrating thanks to Ilene.
We shared many trips and experiences together, including several conferences in China. When Mark Yang, Xuefu Wang, and I began organizing the First International Conference of Existential Psychology in China, Ilene was one of the first people I suggested we invite. She agreed, and she became an essential part of the work we did there over the last 14 years since that conference. We visited places, such as the Nanjing Massacre Museum, that had a powerful impact upon us. Through the years, I had the opportunity to watch how deeply she impacted people in China (and elsewhere!). It moved me. She invited me to participate in one of her trips to Israel that, sadly, I could never make. But I was deeply impressed by the stories she shared of her work there.
Today, I have been treasuring the last memories I have of time together with Ilene. It was last memories of us together was November 2023 at the Rocky Mountain Humanistic Counseling and Psychological Association (RMHCPA) conference. As we had our first conference in our new building, Ilene was one of the people we invited to present. During the postconference, Ilene and I had the chance to have one last meal together. We walked down to grab some lunch items, then returned to my office to share a final meal. I particularly remember the walk. Ilene had a way of engaging people while walking and talking that was unique, even compelling. It feels an odd thing to appreciate, but it is something that stands out to me. I wish I had known that was going to be the last walk and our meal together.
Ilene donated many of her books and items from her office to the RMHCPA building. Our clinic waiting room and many of our therapy offices are now mostly decorated with her artwork and rugs. Many of her awards and recognitions, too, are housed at the RMHCPA building. When we walked through the clinic last November, she shared that several of the paintings were her own. One is now housed next to Rollo May's in our executive suite. I treasure these more today. We have lost Ilene, but we will keep her memory and her contributions alive!
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